Racism is a joke

"There was an Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman and they walked into a joke…" Don't worry, it isn't racist or prejudice if an Englishman, Scotsman or Irishman is telling it, or is it? Today it is hard to work out the boundaries of humour; when does a joke become offensive to somebody?

I'll try to be careful writing this article because I don't want to be called a racist. I'm not racist - my best friend's a limey red-coated pommy bastard…a.k.a. British. Here is the first complication that derogatory terms and jokes raise. I am British/English and am perfectly allowed to use these terms quite freely about my fellow countrymen.

Other nations can escape criticism when insulting the Brits, such as Americans, Australians, the Irish, Scots and also French and Germans, because we share a common cultural and historical animosity that has lasted centuries and has led to the terms almost losing their bite and becoming nicknames. This issue shares similarities with African Americans permitted to call one another 'nigger' but should an Ahab use the term then it is severely frowned upon.

Q. What's the difference between the English and a jet engine?
A. A jet engine eventually stops whining.

How do the English react when other cultures laugh at us or poke fun at our way of life, such as the British comedy sketch show Goodness Gracious Me? The show features sketches about Indian culture and pokes fun at the English from their point of view, such as mimicking the antics of drunk Brits in an Indian restaurant. The show attracts huge audiences of all backgrounds but could you imagine a 21st century primetime BBC show that had the opposite idea?

Goodness Gracious Me's Mr 'Everything Comes From India': The royal family? Indian! Have arranged marriages, live in the same house and all work for the family business. Indian!

A change in what is accepted in humour is a sign of the over-cautious times we live in. You can't say that, you can't do that, what happened to the days of comedians like Bill Hicks? Hicks joked about blowjobs, the joys of smoking, pornography and so much more; not only was he incredibly hilarious with subtle and complex humour, he was intelligently challenging the very fabric of society and that moved him beyond being offensive to the majority.

Bill was threatened after a show by three God-fearing thugs who said: "Hey buddy, we're Christians, we don't like what you said." "So forgive me," he answered.

Raising an issue within society through humour or gently mocking another culture for its peculiarities is one way of dealing with the issue; the problems arise when jokes are laced with hatred and dehumanising terms. Often ignorance, a lack of understanding or claiming it is the norm are trotted out as excuses, but, in defence, some are quite funny. No one section of society escapes ridicule, everybody has endured a joke at their expense at some time in their life, jokes were told the day after 9-11, Princess Diana jokes were told, the war in Iraq has many and even tsunami jokes made the rounds via text message.

How many Iraqi's does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four.
One to screw in the light bulb.
One to claim that they've actually screwed in 300 light bulbs.
One to claim that they've unscrewed 150 American light bulbs.
And one to claim that they're screwing and unscrewing light bulbs for the Palestinians.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of $800,000.

Is that fair? Both sides are equally mocked and, I think, no harm has been caused. Humour is a human defence mechanism and living in a <deep sigh> multicultural society, we must learn to laugh at one another and ourselves. Jokes can be a source of alternative education and, used properly, it relieves tensions.

It feels as though being white is the new minority and it is incredibly difficult to suddenly change your approach to the world after years of playground joke telling. When I was growing up it is embarrassing to think how many jokes were told about the Ethiopian famine. I am not alone in this and many of my generation were desensitised, in a manner of speaking, to the cruelty of the humour.

Currently everybody is in a state of near panic over what they can say after years of saying whatever they want, perhaps the next generation will find a balance between the two. It is hard to believe that as a white straight man you can find yourself feeling like a minority and feeling as though you need to apologise for being what you are. I guess that telling the occasional racist joke is one form of venting the stress at the situation we are finding ourselves battling each day.

Vacancy: Wanted a disabled black gay lesbian to fill immediate position…
Vacancy: Wanted an obese ugly arrogant and stupid employee needed to…

Should an employer advertise a job vacancy but upset somebody with an -ism then they may find themselves facing a discrimination charge. It doesn't get any easier because if the disabled black gay lesbian arrives for an interview and does not receive the position then they can claim any number of discriminatory reasons - perhaps the employer just thought they were an absolute wanker.

No! You are not allowed to personally dislike any ethnic or physical minority now because you will be labelled with one of those -ist tags. When did employers lose the right to choose who they want to work with based on their personality, skills and that certain je ne sais quoi? On the other hand, what does the disabled black gay lesbian feel when they get the job? Do they feel as though they were chosen for the job because their skills best suited the job or are they there to fill minority quotas and make the company look good?

Exasperating, frustrating and outright confusing are a few of the words that immediately come to mind, while there is also no end in sight. Every joke is going to offend somebody, no matter how innocent it may seem:

Big chimney says to little chimney: You're too young to smoke.

Sorry about that pro-smoking joke. I am now in the position where I should include a witticism about all minorities so I am not accused of being prejudiced against any one particular group…

Disabled and racist:
Stevie Wonder is asked how bad it is to be blind. He replies, "It could be worse, I could be black."

Homosexual: Three gays in a Jacuzzi and a condom floats to the surface. One says, "Ok, who farted?"

Sexist: Why did the woman cross the road? More to the point, what was she doing out of the kitchen?

Middle East: Why are camels called "Ships of the Desert"? Because they're full of Arab semen.

Finland: How many Finns does it take to change a light bulb? Zero, they can't do it. When they notice the bulb is glass and there are threads on it, they spend the rest of the night trying to open it.

Religious: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and an oil painting? You only need one nail to hold up a picture.

Sorry, that is enough. However, if you smiled at any of them, and I tried to pick some of the worst, then you are just as bad as the rest of us. Join us in battling our demons, at least in public, and, now I come to think of it, isn't all this a case of censorship and freedom of speech…but that is another story.