PMT: Patient Man Test

Periods, menstrual cramps, vaginal bleeding, tampons and panty liners are enough to make even a hardened man uncomfortable and resort to crass jokes. This discomfort stems from ignorance and a fear of the unknown, but why are men so uneducated when it comes to a woman's menstrual cycle?

When children are growing up, they are taught different things; one of those differences is that many parents prepare their daughter for her first period. Not many parents teach their son about the menstrual cycle that will test their patience to the limit every month with future girlfriends, wives and female family members.

Thankfully, my mum taught me how to wash my clothes, use an iron and explained about 'that time of the month'. Partially she prepared me for married life, while my dad filled in the blanks. Nothing really prepares you for the first time you see a partner changing her tampon or the menstrual fluid that has been absorbed into the panty liner, and you naturally make a distasteful joke because of the shock.

The second shock was the fact that she needs to buy tampons very month, which is something like 10,000 tampons in her lifetime. Usually she will have a good stock of period accessories, but the day will come when you are sent out to buy some. If you thought buying condoms was embarrassing then wait until you try to buy a box of tampons.

Standing in the shopping aisle looking at the selection you feel the world staring at you, it isn't embarrassing but it is. There are different brands, do you buy the super value or spend a few extra pounds? Every box has different quantities, 16, 32, 14, 20, how many does she need? Then you see something else, Regular, Super, Mini, Super Plus, does this refer to her vagina size or the quantity of menstrual fluid?

What I could not believe is the fact that women have to pay for tampons. Men don't have to buy razors, we could all have beards, but a woman can hardly ignore a squashed tomato feeling within her underwear. I realise that there are washable cloth menstrual pads, small natural sponges and menstrual cups, but it is like still rolling your own cigarettes even though you are not a student anymore.

Over time you ask questions like, "What happens if the string breaks?" and "Why don't you go skydiving like the girl in the adverts?", but pain is a great teacher and you stop talking to her all together during her 'girly things'. My dad forewarned me of the random mood swings but I figured he was winding me up; in fact, he was playing it down. My assumption that the bad temper was only for that week was fatally flawed because it can strike half way, during a full moon, a night out with the lads, when she has to cook, hmm, could it be a watertight excuse?

The period truly is a mystery and a misery, although not for everybody. I must tell you a true story about this guy I once met who explained to me that his hobby was collecting used tampons and, before I could laugh at this twisted joke, his female friend added, "Yeah, he even has one of mine."