Dear Grandma-to-be

Okay, so you aren't a Grandma yet, but perhaps by the time the next issue of Ovi comes out in a month you will have a little granddaughter upon which to dote and do all the grandmother stuff, such as making sure that Dad does not get carried away.

When Juliana decided that we should add 'Dear Grandma' to our @T section I was a little unsure, mainly because Sweety Grandma is sadly no longer with us and I wouldn't really know what to write to Dad's mum. Therefore, you are the recipient of my first Dear Grandma and, as I have said, you are not one yet.

I was going to save this issue for the next topic of 'parenthood', but now is as good as time as any to obtain a few parenting tips from you before I hit the fatherhood road running. Shall we go the syrupy route of asking how I can give my children the quality of parenting you gave us or shall I stick to the humour of teasing Dad?

I guess the diversity of parenting has really hit home over the last few years as you had to deal with two completely different emotions. On the one hand you had the happiness and excitement of Päivi and my wedding preparations and its imminent arrival, but you also had to reassure and support Tony, while his girlfriend underwent treatment for cancer. I could not imagine two more opposites than those.

Being a few hundred miles away from it all allowed me to pretend it wasn't as bad as it was and I didn't see her throughout the duration of the therapy, which is something she may be grateful. Just when you thought you could be the happy parents following Tony and Sukina's engagement, she began to suffer from pancreatitis and has just had her gall bladder removed, during which Päivi's pregnancy has happily continued. Okay, maybe I could not imagine two opposites…

What prepares you for two conflicting emotions from two sons? Life experience, the support of Dad or just a few magic beans? Taking into your parent's feelings is not something many children do when heading off to a university at the depths of the UK or deciding to emigrate to another country, and I was one of those. However, I knew that no matter what decision I made you would support it, finance it (!) and help make it work, which was a feeling and knowledge developed over the many years of you always doing just that. How do you do that?!

Now the first female Butcher in two generations is about to set forth on this earth, but you are 2,000 miles from calling in unannounced. Damn, I am feeling guilty. I thank the innovators of technology for webcams and the audio clarity of Skype to keep us in touch at least a few times a week. Some people cannot believe that a son calls home so regularly and without any threats, but it feels natural to me. We have also had people ask how Tony and I can make such crass and crude jokes in front you, but that again comes from being raised openly and being treated as adults.

At school my friends thought you were cool, especially letting them watch the Adult Channel during one sleepover, and you even managed to stop Dad from wearing his slippers on my Stag weekend - how many guys would happily have their dad on their Stag?! We do have a strange family dynamic; we are more like friends than relatives, which is perhaps why we get on so well - you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family…hmm, maybe we should change that expression in our case.

Hope the Butcher stiff upper lip survived these few paragraphs,

All my love,

Ace