Suck my man nipple

The discussion of breastfeeding has been high on the Butcher household agenda over the last few weeks. It is the concern of every mother-to-be, whether the 'connection' can be made with their child and be able to naturally feed them. Breast milk contains anti-bodies that cannot be reproduced in powered milk and sucking upon the nipple is a calming process - any man can tell you that.

Now, what do you think about a baby suckling upon a man's nipple? I am not joking because it seems that a man's nipples are perfectly suited to soothing a crying baby until it can be fed, according to a report on fatherhood. The report states that the Aka Pygmies, a hunter-gatherer tribe from the northern Congo, as the best fathers. When the mother is not available, the father calms his baby by giving it a nipple to suck.

Okay, then. I guess this means shaving my nipples on a daily basis and I will require some moisturiser to avoid any tenderness, then there is the issue of cracked teets that…hold on, let's back up a minute. A man is willingly placing his nipple into his infant's mouth and Social Services are not involved? The father's family are still talking to him and his friends have not completely ostracised him? Get real!

On the same day this report was published, I read another article about the problems women face when breastfeeding in public and how they are made to feel dirty and ashamed of a natural act. Let's take a moment to combine the two stories and imagine a man whipping his nipple out in restaurant to calm his crying son. Imagine the moral outrage, the screams, the shouts, the abuse and one solitary man frantically trying to find the paper upon which he printed the Aka Pygmy story.

We are living in an ever-changing world, or so we are told. In reality, nothing ever changes when it comes to social and cultural squeamishness, whether it is a breastfeeding mother or seeing gay couples holding hands and kissing. There should not be anything wrong with a man pacifying their child with a nipple but it goes against our personal moral code. It feels wrong, but does it mean it is wrong? You never know when you may have a similar conversation, "Sorry Thanos, I can't come to the pub tonight…Yeah, my nipple is pacifying the kid…Yeah…See ya then…"