Concerted effort

Queuing throughout the night in the wind, rain and cold for those precious concert tickets is something everybody has to do - I have never done it because I prefer to book them online the next morning in my dressing gown. Concerts are fantastic, but crossing the line of religious fanaticism and sitting in Row AA with the hardcore fans who know every lyric is an area I avoid.

My seat or position is along the sides, at the back or up with the nosebleed crowd, although back in my youth (six years ago!) I would be in the front moshing, jumping, swaying, singing, pushing and having a rollicking good time. I guess there comes a point where you become self-conscious of your age and you realise that you are surrounded by the children of the mid-1980s…or later!

Tastes in music change, or maybe you just afford to watch the big-named artists, and you find yourself leaving behind the intimate clubs and attending the huge stadium gigs. If you try moshing at a Sting concert while he sings Fields of Gold you receive dirty looks or try to shout along to the chorus of REM's Everybody Hurts and people tut-tut.

Eventually these people condition you into their way; you fall in line with the appropriate behaviour by remaining seated, politely clap, tap your foot and hum. Should you break any of these rules you half-expect Mark Knopfler to stop singing and ask for order to be restored.

The Eagles at Wembley was my first ever concert and, without realising it at the time, I sat next to a man who embodied these concert rules. He did not move a single muscle and he did not sing a single note, it became disconcerting after a while until I thought, "Boring old bastard!" and enjoyed myself anyway. The problem now is that the number of boring old bastards has multiplied and you are out-numbered.

Over the past couple of years, I have noticed an increasing trend in boring old bastards playing with their mobile phones during the concert. You pay upwards of £30 for a ticket, then sit there playing Snake, texting your friends or, like at Paul McCartney's gig, talk with your mate, "Yeah, he's playing Ticket to Ride now. Listen…Good, huh? Where are you…" While on the subject of mobile phones, why are cameras and recording equipment banned but these multi-functional mobiles are permitted?

On occasion, an artist manages to jolt the crowd from its collective coma and persuade them to participate. Macca was excellent, he was the master showman and had an entire stadium singing "Na na na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey Jude...", while other bands try to encourage the crowd to join in by clapping in time, which permits me to indulge one of my favourite pastimes. Next time you attend an event with mass clapping, count the number of human beings who a) cannot clap in time b) miss their other hand c) are eating popcorn and fail to join in.

Concert seating needs to be overhauled. In the same way that football fans are complaining that all-seater stadiums has sucked the atmosphere from the games, concerts are facing the same issues. Fans of both music and football should be offered the opportunity when booking a ticket to opt for either the 'boring bastard' or 'I wanna relive my youth' section - failing that free alcohol should lift some of the inhibitions.

ENCORE!
Are encores really encores now? Bands seem to save their most-loved songs for the encore, we all know they will perform them, or risk mass disappointment, so that is why I ask is it an encore? Madonna didn't do encores at either of her London concerts, which was disappointing, while REM came back and played for another hour. Personally, I believe that one day when the band walks off, teasing us into demanding an encore, we should all go home.