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Your life in verse is my mission
Because poems have become tradition
To begin we rewind five decades
Back to 50's Skipton and halcyon days
Number three of the Muscroft clan
Moved to Guildford and met her man
Apologies for skipping one or two verses
But let's get to those St. Richards' nurses
1978 is where we stop for applause
And ask about painting those swing doors?
A crying screaming poop machine
Even worse when my finger wasn't clean
Roof rescues you did perform
Cleaning up nail polish was the norm
Nasty moments with romper zips
Stepping on me we shall skip
Thank you for giving me a brother
I wouldn't have chosen any other
Raising three kids could've been hell
But Dad, Tony and I grew up pretty well
A few houses, a caravan and the odd rental
Taught us moving doesn't need to be mental
And whenever we lived in a disaster zone
You always made it feel like home
Drove us back and forth from school
Helped a friend out of the swan pool
Winning the mum's race that was class
Joining the PTA and kicking some arse
Quit cigarettes because of our coughing
Presto and Safeway for the weekly shopping
Stranded in snowstorms and sharing a bed
Sun cream on my ears in the Med
Print-In, RPM, Granada and bazaar
From Butlins to Helbry you have gone far
Now you've worked as a Tesco home shopper
And was teased for talking proper
Trips on boats aren't your thing
"You bastard!" you once did sing
The only rocking that suits you
Is the type that Status Quo can do
Archers' peach schnapps or G&T
Kelly's Heroes on the TV
Box of Malteasers or Turkish Delight
Noel Edmonds used to make your night
Joseph and his technicolor jacket
Françoise Hardy and her Gallic racket
Richard Digance was a scream
Lending support to Dad's footy team
Your English breakfasts are the best
Making new lists with such zest
Photo frames cover the walls
Fly the Roam at Niagara Falls
Multi-coloured coat you always wore
Liliput and Swarovski you did adore
Protected me when I went too far
As I usually did when with Pa
Nursing us when we were sick
Banana medicine did the trick
Organised many great birthdays
And always came to all our plays
Sitting on Tony to cut his nails
Learning Dad is in a Scottish jail
Pair of knickers in my rugby shirt
Helping to dress me in a mini skirt
Park hampers were great to unpack
Perfect presents from Santa's sack
You gave us so many Christmas tales
You got birthday presents from the Sales
Military operation in Orlando
Three fun weeks of go, go, go
Abandoned us and went to Greece
Trips to Yorkshire for the peace
My visit across distance waters
Resulted in Päivi and a daughter
Whisking her home as fast as lightning
We all felt our future brightening
Mobilised an army 2,000 miles
Overcame family tests and trials
Looked so lovely dressed in peach
Reading your poem on a grassy beach
Now it is time to really feel your age
With number two becoming engaged
Enjoy your time with us at Littlecote
Now hold on a sec, while I clear my throat
All our love on number fifty
We'll make sure your day is nifty
Because as a mum you have been a star
And in July you're going to be a Grandma
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