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It is fifty years since '53
And the arrival of Bryan B
Destiny said this April Fool's lad
Would 25 years later become my Dad
This honour was shared with another
Yes that's right Tony my brother
With the help of Mum he raised us both
In sunny Bognor on the South coast
In the early days I caused much strife
You sacrificed flip-flops to save my life
Raced me to Casualty after I dived from steps
Even scrubbed the carpet after an Easter retch
Hot foreign holidays to the Med
Shorts were Bermudas - 80s cred
Day trips to Safari parks we'd all go
Scaring Macaroni for that lion photo
San Fran rent boy you could've scored
Nautical humour on the Broads
Florida turnpike driving fun
Yorkshire twitching left me numb
Bosham harbour and its jessy
Eating your chocolate Xmas prezzie
Always offering me such compassion
The fun I had with loft insulation
Around the UK we used to go
Eagles playing on the radio
Pub cricket passed the time
'How much further?' was our line
Drives to Guildford were never boring
Passing pitches where you'd been scoring
Mazda, Toyota and Ford Cortina
You did it fastest in the Beemer
Life was great I wanted for nothing
Hold on, yes there was something
It really really wasn't that hard
Win the dad's race and beat Ricards
Chocolate orange and Nuis St George
Large lumps of Brie on which to gorge
Washing down cashews with a Breezer
Keep off Mum's Malty-teasers
The Toon army rules his life
40-years of continuing strife
Shouting loudly for them to score
Hurling himself to a dusty floor
Black & White stripes on his back
Fingers-crossed for a productive attack
Newcastle Brown Ale by his side
Another sip, another sigh
With your humour I'd never win
Tap-dancing rabbit on a Roses tin
That was one, there was another
Calling him donkey was its brother
Forget the jokes we want stories
Deli counters and salt filling glories
Inflated pig and a Disney locker
Juggling boules you came a cropper
You love the Duke in all his roles
Steve Martin and his hot dog rolls
Dirty Harry shooting hell for leather
Rambo always going one better
Houses shiver when you're around
Believing that you'll knock them down
No roof, staircase, toilet or back wall
With 11 houses we've had them all
Drives his little van from site to site
Ignores constant jokes about his height
Stops for lunch at ten o'clock
Capital Gold plays his favourite rock
Nights at Highbury winning 3-1
Footy in the garden when we were young
Turning our stomachs with sandwich fillings
Jam & banana got star billing
Greek gold cross sits upon his chest
Smell of coffee he does detest
The lucky number is forty-four
Though he did help write Murphy's Law
Friday drinks at the Nook
Reading the latest Potter book
Jetting off to far flung places
Pointing out Shag's different faces
Fills in crosswords and reads The Mag
Still tells stories about him and Wag
Texting Finland with each Toon goal
There's nobody better to fill your role
We'll make sure all is hunky-dory
While you celebrate in Roihuvuori
Party with Päivi and your number one son
Put on your party shorts and have some fun
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